Steam trains Festivals Destination marketing Reader Feedback The White Hat Puzzle “You never take me anywhere different” Apples Work Experience Botanic Gardens Brunswick Music Festival Seven Lost Icons of Melbourne – No.3 – Cremorne Gardens For the kids - Discovery Day at Cruden Farm Big Day NOT Out Last Week’s Quiz Country Victoria Free organ recital Hispanic festivals Pedants’ Dating Service Fairs & fetes Classical music Herring Island Melbourn Food & Wine Festival From the White Hat Inbox The White Hat Quiz
STEAM TRAINS This weekend there are steam trains (or maybe it’s just one train) shuttling between Flinders Street Station and Williamstown. The ticket prices are very reasonable. The trouble with travelling on a steam train is that you can’t see the steam train (except on sweeping curves). Therefore you might want to find yourself a vantage point on the Melbourne-Willy line to watch the steam train go past. Better still, set up a camera. If your first shot doesn’t work out just wait for the next pass. We have listed the times on our web site, Details at: http://whitehat.com.au/Melbourne/Activities/SteamTrains.asp
FESTIVALS This weekend is the Williamstown Festival, so if you go on Sunday you can take the steam train. Also there is the Mordialloc by the Bay Festival, the Anatolian (Turkish) Festival at Docklands, the Darebin Community & Kites Festival and ‘High School for Coburg’ festival, the Pascoe Vale Festival.
DESTINATION MARKETING Canberra has just extended its blockbuster art exhibition at the National Gallery. That will bring in a few thousand, maybe tens of thousands of extra visitors. Melbourne has is retinue of blockbuster events designed to make Melbourne a ‘destination’.
A century ago newly formed railways and tramways, mainly privately owned, were anxious to get paying customers on their services at weekends. In America, the trolley (tram) companies came up with the idea of entertainment parks at the end of the line. You could take the family out of the city smog to one of these ‘trolley parks’ where the family could have a picnic, listen to the bands and the kids could run around in the health-giving air.
In the early part of last century, Melbourne set up its own trolley park known as Wattle Park. A family from the inner city slums could scrape together the money, hop on a tram and enjoy the pristine air of Riversdale, the sound of native birds, the smell of wattle and eucalypts and, of course, the natural appendage to the Australian bush – a Swiss chalet. The ovals received heavy use over time for midweek football and cricket matches when these were common and at weekends the entertainment, sans amplification, was provided by the Tramways Band.
The Tramways Band still play on selected Sundays. Why not take a tram to the end of the line this Sunday, together with a picnic and enjoy an afternoon in the open air. The fare you pay with a Sunday Saver ticket is next to nothing and so is unlikely to cover the tram drivers wages let alone buy a new piccolo for the band but just lie back under the trees, listen to the band and conjure up the days when destination marketing helped fund our trams and trains.
Details at: http://whitehat.com.au/Melbourne/Parks/WattlePark.asp
READER FEEDBACK “Erm, it is with the greatest respect that I broach this delicate subject, because I do so enjoy reading your weekly newsletter. However, I am emboldened because it has come up twice in this newsletter. It's refers to It is or It has, but if something belongs to something else, then use its without the apostrophe. If you continue to disregard this enlightening note, Julia Gillard will soon be breathing down your neck.
Actually, she writes with a hint of a blush on her cheeks, I CAN'T FIND THE OTHER ONE!
That was not it’s original location. NO, that was not its original location. You wouldn't say: that is not it is original location, would you? No, I thought not.
Still it get’s them out of the house. Arrrgh! No apostrophe needed here at all, ever, not even for ready money!
...but let’s face it – it’s a piece of outdated superannuated machinery PERFECT! 12 out of 10. Let us face it, it is a piece... See, I knew you could do it!
And I love the attitude behind your statement regarding the ratio of consumers to understanders. It is so terrifyingly true, or It's so terrifyingly true!
Love you forever, Elly”
“I loved your story about Ikey and broken biscuits, but being Jewish, I was afraid you were turning anti Semitic, as that name is derogatory, but I immediately realised that my favourite what's on In Melbourne site couldn't possibly be! Keep up the good work of entertaining me, and I do hope you 'find' your research assistant very soon, otherwise someone will be doing lots of overtime, won't you? Sonia”
THE WHITE HAT PUZZLE
First to last week’s puzzle
You work standard eight hour shifts but your friend, who is saving for a house, works 10 hour shifts 7 days a week. Overtime is payed at time-and-a-half, weekends at double time and public holidays at triple time. Your friend wants to take the whole of April off to India and do family things with the family of her betrothed. You agree to work her 10 hour shifts every day throughout April. How many standard weekday 8 hour shifts does she owe you?
Our first answers came from Helen and rick.
Please note: This section of the newsletter has been removed as it forms part of a forthcoming publication.
“If I work my friend’s 10 hour shifts every day, when do I work mine? (You do not say I just have to do her overtime.) Do I work her 10 hour shift in tandem with my 8 hour shift? Call in the shop steward – I am exhausted!
Do I work her shift in place of mine? Would the boss agree?
Payment information is irrelevant. She owes me TIME. I work the overtime, week ends and public holidays that even fall on weekends in April. I’ll take the money thank you.
I have worked her 30 April days, each of 10 hours, so, for 300 hours (divide by 8) she owes me 37.5 eight-hour-shifts. That means, while she is in India, I will be thinking about the seven and a half week holiday I will take – cruising thank you!
On the other hand, she may claim I just worked my normal day shifts plus her overtime. I did 30 days with two hours overtime each day. Plus there were 8 weekend days where I worked the 8 hours. 60 hours of her overtime plus 64 hours equals 124 hours. So this is equivalent to (divide by 8) 15.5 eight-hour shifts. Maybe she just owes me that.
The delight is in the detail. That’s the way I look at it, anyway.
p.s. Now that summer is over I could use a warm inner glow!”
We note that Helen’s answer came in at about 4pm on Friday which means that after all the time she spent working that out she will have to work overtime at time and a half to finish her real work. We feel it best not to mention the organisation she works for.
Now to this week’s quiz – Shunting
The small railyard has only a Y-shaped set of rails with a set of points at the junction of the Y. Th goods carriages are lined up ABCDEFG in the stem of the with the G nearest the junction. The fat controller tells the shunter that they need to be lined up in the order GACFDEB so that the goods train can uncouple them at the appropriate stations. Can this be done and if so what is the minimum number of shunts required?
Feel free to make out some rails on your desk and use a set of appropriately labelled paper clips to shunt around. Your boss won’t notice and you should get some overtime.
“YOU NEVER TAKE ME ANYWHERE DIFFERENT” Well this weekend is your chance. There is open day at the Werribee Sewerage Farm. Details at: http://whitehat.com.au/Victoria/Regions/Bellarine.asp#NWPPBay
APPLES For those of you interested in why supermarket apples look great but taste like soggy cardboard, there are two heritage apple events coming up. There is a heritage apple tree sale at Rippon Lea this weekend and coming up is a heritage apple open day at Pettys Orchard. Details at: http://whitehat.com.au/Food/Ingredients/Apples.asp
WORK EXPERIENCE Frank awoke with a pounding in his head. After a while he realised the pounding was coming from the door. “It’s me, Jason” said the door. “I’ll be with you as soon as I finish the filing.” Jason was doing work experience for his Cert 4 in Crime Scene Investigation with Frank who was a private investigator. Frank filed the remains of the bourbon under ‘Daniels, J’ and emerged onto the landing. “Sorry I’m running late, Jase. We had a big night with Jimmy The Strapper.” Jimmy The Strapper wrote straplines for large organisations. “Get in the car Jase – we’re off to Burnley. You know I was at Jimmy’s once when these two dames walked in from some major financial institution and they wanted a strapline. One looked like a Christmas tree in January but the other who was no spring chicken was pretty well preserved and showed herself to best advantage. Next day Jimmy had their strapline – ‘making the most of what you’ve got’. They’re still using that.”
“Why are we going to Burnley? asked Jason. “There’s nothing there but a tunnel.” “Nah, kid. It’s got a harbour and it used to have a Disneyland as well. All those missing miles of pennies would come to about 400 grand by now and I think I know someone who’ll help us find it.” They parked the car in Burnley and proceeded down some back streets to a flooded quarry hole connected to the Yarra with a sign pronouncing it to be ‘Burnley Harbour’. “You stay here and keep watch” said Frank< “I’m off to see the Vicar.” “The Vicar?” “Yes, he had a sort of unofficial job saving young ladies from sin. He’d save you a redhead for thirty bucks. Those were the days. I’ll be back soon”
Frank was deep in conversation with the Vicar when a large man with no neck in a once-black suit came in with Jason dangling from his outstretched arm. “Dis kid was following ya.” “It’s OK Joe, he’s with me. Put him down. And do it gently – kids these days break easily.”
What does the Vicar know about the missing money? Was there really a Disneyland in Burnley? Will Jason get the 20 minute morning tea break stipulated in his work experience document? Find out next week . . .
BOTANIC GARDENS Shakespeare in the Park and Moonlight Cinema continue at the Botanic Gardens. Details at: http://whitehat.com.au/Melbourne/Parks/Botanic.asp
BRUNSWICK MUSIC FESTIVAL The Brunswick Music Festival continues. Details in the mainstream media.
SEVEN LOST ICONS OF MELBOURNE No.3 – Cremorne Gardens
This section of the newsletter can now be found at The White Hat Guide to Seven Lost Icons of Melbourne.
FOR THE KIDS - DISCOVERY DAY AT CRUDEN FARM The annual Discovery Day is on at Dame Elisabeth Murdoch's Cruden Farm. Cruden Farm is always a delightful place for the kids to run around and for you to have a picnic. Details at: http://whitehat.com.au/Melbourne/Parks/Private.asp
BIG DAY NOT OUT This popular family day out with music, entertainment and pub cricket teams battling it out for the trophy takes place at the Edinburgh Gardens in Fitzroy. Details at: http://whitehat.com.au/Melbourne/Parks/Edinburgh.asp
LAST WEEK’S QUIZ
The first answer to last week’s quiz about industrial relations came from Peter so here are his answers:
Please note: This section of the newsletter has been removed as it forms part of a forthcoming publication.
Keep up the good work. I learn something new each week about my city. Peter”
COUNTRY VICTORIA This weekend in country Victoria there is the Geelong Highland Gallery, the Weerana Festival in Werribee, the Barwon Heads Festival of the Sea, the Mildura-Wentworth Festival of Arts, the SheppARTon Festival, the Jail Hous Rock Festival in Ararat, the Echuca-Momaa Harvest Festival, the Bike Buller MTB Festival (if you don’t know what MTB stands for you probably wouldn’t be interested), the Tastes of Rutherglen and t he Echuca Celtic Festival (presumably for lowland Celts who won’t be on Geelong). Details at http://whitehat.com.au/victoria.asp
FREE ORGAN RECITAL During the week you can enjoy a free lunchtime organ recital in the Melbourne Town Hall. Details at: http://whitehat.com.au/Music/Instruments/Organ.asp#Performances
HISPANIC FESTIVALS This weekend in Frankston is the Ventana Festival. Then the following weekend is the Melbourne Latin Festival at Darebin. Details at: http://whitehat.com.au/Melbourne/Festivals/Ethnic.asp
PEDANTS’ DATING SERVICE Damien and Sarah were sitting uncomfortably on the couch. Kyle, Damien’s flatmate together with his girlfriend Kate, tried to break the ice for the reunited couple. “Whenever Kate and I have a breakup then the making up is the best part,” said Kyle. “We just jump into bed and it’s really wicked” added Kate. Kyle brought out a flyer he had been saving for such an occasion. “There’s an open day coming up at Pettys Orchard.” “Where’s the apostrophe?” exclaimed Kate immediately. “Well you see, it had one when it was an orchard owned by Mr Petty, but when the government bought it, the apostrophe disappeared because it became a place name.” “That’s why I could never vote for the Labor Party” said Sarah. “What with all the socialising of private organisations. It’s not public ownership I object to – it’s the removal of apostrophes.” “And I could never vote for them” added Damien” until they abandon the American spelling.” “What about the Liberals?” enquired Kyle. “Until they can sort out their ‘small l’ and capital l’ issues that’s not an option either” said Sarah. “I was once doorknocked by a candidate whose pamphlet said he was an independant so I can never vote for independents” added Damien.
Kyle and Kate repaired to the bedroom but Kyle made sure to dim the lights on the way. “Our job’s done” Kyle explained to Kate, “They’ve loosened up and are using their discussion about how the parties have to change their platforms to gain their two votes as a courtship dance. It gets them both excited then after a while they’ll calm down and things will start to happen.” “Cool” said Kate.
“Damien . .” said Sarah awkwardly. “Yes Sarah” said Damien expectantly. “Damien I, I . .” “Yes Sarah” “I .. I bought you this little present.” She fumbled in her bag and brought out a brown parcel. Damien unwrapped it and found a school txt book. “It’s a grammar guide by the Queensland English Teachers Association” she explained. “Professor Huddlestone found over 60 major errors of grammar, punctuation and syntax in only 15 pages” she added. “Look, here’s an example” said Sarah with rising enthusiasm pointing to ‘Sam’s folder’. “The apostrophe is in the right place” said Damien with puzzlement. “Yes, but it’s called a possessive pronoun but it’s a proper noun used in the possessive form. Damien one day this English text with all its mistakes will be as valuable as the Wicked Bible.” Damien smiled with pleasure and Sarah was pleased that her gift had hit the mark. Damien was smiling because he was considering the exhortations of the Wicked Bible.
Damien had also bought Sarah a present – another pendant for her necklace. “Are you still wearing your necklace?” he asked. In the half-light Sarah’s face took on an appearance that, if not ethereal, was unspoiled by years of heavy makeup. Damien noticed the glow around her neck as though there was a faint gleam of perspiration. Come to think of it, his palms were also perspiring. “Why don’t you find out?” asked Sarah. Damien wiped his palms against the side of his trousers in a manner he hoped was not too obvious. He felt as though his hands had grown into twice their size and that although he could prevent them from shaking or could still perform delicate manipulations, he was unlikely to be able to do both at the same time. Damien became intensely aware of Sarah’s aroma as he moved closer. As he attempted to negotiate the top button of her blouse he felt as though he was wearing boxing gloves and then . .
But we wouldn’t want to bore you with the details.
If Sarah really wearing Damien’s necklace? Is an independant a candidate with no dependants? Will Damien be able to negotiate the third button? Find out next week . . .
FAIRS & FETES This weekend there is a pre-loved toy & clothing fair in Clifton Hillwhile next weekend there are school fetes in Merri Creek and Thornbury and a twilight fete in Diamond Creek. Details at: http://whitehat.com.au/Melbourne/Festivals/FairsFetes.asp
CLASSICAL MUSIC This week you can hear the ACO play 5 concertos, Grainger wind band music, , members of the MSO play the Beethoven Septet and a midweek piano recital at Como. Details at: http://whitehat.com.au/Melbourne/Music/Classical.asp
HERRING ISLAND The annual sculpture and art exhibitions continues at weekends on Herring Island until mid April. Details at: http://whitehat.com.au/Melbourne/Galleries/HerringIsland.asp
MELBOURNE FOOD & WINE FESTIVAL The food & wine festival is under way with events all over the place. Details in all the mainstream media.
FROM THE WHITE HAT INBOX
We also had the following personal message:
“hi from portc, krystelle convinced me 2 change my name from nat 2 natalia cos she said the numerology was better & it would help me get a job but it hasnt helped so far. the medicine ball is getting close & i still havent learned 2 waltz so grandpa suggested i get some videos of a person called freda stair but i couldn’t find any of her videos at our local video shop so ill look on utube. sometimes i sit on the pier at portc & watch the big freighters coming str8 at me down the channel from melbourne & at the last minute they turn & go out the heads & i think that maybe 1 day 1 of them wont turn & ill be history & maybe lifes like that & i should get my 2nd gap year happening b4 1 of lifes freighters forgets 2 turn. luv natalia”
THE WHITE HAT QUIZ
Most of us travel on trams and trains at some time but often don’t give much thought as to how they work, so here is a little quiz.
1. Tram route numbers seem rather haphazard as they have grown up over the years, however some systematic numbering remains. Give an example using the St Kilda Road trams. 2. Why can you expect delays in Melbourne when a tram line crosses a railway line? 3. Most hybrid cars use regenerative braking – that is the energy recovered from slowing down is converted back into electrical energy. Do trams or trains do this? 4. Cable trams were powered by large steam engines in an engine house pulling a cable beneath the road. Some of these engine houses (without their engines) remain in Melbourne. Name one. 5. “Geez mate – look at that! I reckon that’s a 36-24-36.” “I didn’t notice – I was watching the 4-6-4.” What are they talking about? 6. Why do tram drivers dislike plane trees? 7. Name a city that has driverless trains. 8. Name a song that was written for the opening of a railway. 9. Name a road bridge and a pedestrian bridge in Melbourne that were once rail bridges.
No prizes – just glory and a warm inner glow.
White Hat is dressed by the House of Tarjay and travels coach class.