| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
The White Hat Melbourne NewsletterArchived Newsletter No.293 - 23 December2008Contents
12 things to do in the Christmas / New Year break12 THINGS TO DO IN THE CHRISTMAS / NEW YEAR BREAK For those who haven’t already got it planned out, here are 12 suggestions from White Hat
Christmas DinnerFor visitors, we should probably start by explaining what is meant by ‘dinner’. Perhaps this is best explained by an anecdote I heard told by a retired footballer. As a young recruit from the country he had taken the day off work, scrubbed up as best he could and around the middle of the day he rang the doorbell. The coach’s wife opened the door and looked puzzled. Crackers Keenan explained “The coach asked me to come around for dinner.” You see, in the bush at that time there was breakfast dinner & tea while the sophisticates in the city had moved on to breakfast lunch & dinner. Because all Australians are now sophisticated and cosmopolitan dinner is now the evening meal. Except when it comes to Christmas Dinner. Which is usually in the middle of the day. It’s all very simple, once you’ve lived here for a while. If you are visiting Melbourne you will find numbers of hotels doing Christmas Dinner. If you are by yourself, ask if they have a Captain’s Table. A Captain’s Table is a table where various people who are not part of a group or a couple can sit together, not have to feel uncomfortable and probably go away having made some new friends. I will be having Christmas Dinner with Uncle George and Auntie Geraldine in Eltham. After dinner in the best Australian style people seek out various couches or favourite parts of the floor to aid with the lengthy digestive process. However those in the know make their way to a particularly large gum tree near the end of the block. There are a large number of trees on Uncle George’s block, but when this large gum tree had rotted out near the base Uncle George knew he had to call in the tree doctor. It would have been easier to chop it down but in Eltham the ecomafia have telescopes trained on all their neighbours’ back yards and at the first sight of an axe or a chain saw a large number of people in woolly hats gather on the boundary of your property with unsolicited speculation about your genealogical heritage. When the tree doctor told Uncle George that the gum tree would need to have the hollow stabilised with cement UG observed that the cavity was about the right size for the bar fridge that was currently difficult to access in his shed. Thus it was that UG had the necessary cabling installed and the bar fridge set into the cavity of the gum tree facing away from the house. It was also around this time that UG often felt a need to commune with nature later in the evening. Hence I know that after Christmas Dinner a number of us will gather around one particular gum tree. Maybe later in the afternoon some of us will gravitate to Uncle George’s lemon tree.
Melbourne's Hidden GemsOn any one weekend curious groups of people gather in odd parts of Melbourne and do strange things. You won’t find information about them in the what’s on section of the mainstream media or from the various ‘official’ information centres. How do we know about them? Well because our newsletter subscribers are a strange and quirky bunch. For instance, what would normal people do on Boxing Day? Go to the sales, go to the cricket, sleep off a hangover. Not Ross (one of our subscribers) who with his friends celebrate on Boxing Day by constructing cardboard forts and armour into a huge cardboard city and then trash it with Godzilla suits/Stay Puft /Gamera suits. Even if you don’t go along, it is worth pondering whether the mild mannered person sitting next to you on the tram might be Ross and what other strange ideas may be running through his mind. For those who prefer more mainstream activities there are the Boxing Day sales where mothers and daughters in Godzilla suits mange to trash and lay waste to a city made up of a large numbers of cardboard cartons full of merchandise.
Last Minute Christmas Gift IdeasIf you have left things really late you can still print out some gift vouchers from the internet. You can find ideas for romantic outings at The White Hat Guide to Romantic Melbourne Gift vouchers for foodies at The White Hat Guide to Food & Wine Melbourne & Victoria and outdoor activity vouchers at The White Hat Guide to Outdoor & Adventure Activities in Victoria.
Free transportPublic transport is free on Christmas Day and this includes country rail services. Backpackers might want to check out the free country rail service on the V-Line website. Hop on a train to some country town. Get off and wander up the main street. You’ll have it to yourself because everything will be closed but it’s a great way to see the scenery and breath some country air for free.
Last week's quizThe first answers came from Jacinta.
Movies on the roofMovies under the stars continue both at the Botanic Gardens and on the roof of Curtin House in the city.
From The White Hat Inbox“Hi I'm about to visit Melbourne for the first time and was delighted to stumble on your website! It's a great alternative guide to the city. I have a couple of questions. First of all, I am originally from the UK and have been in Perth since March so I am absolutely culture starved and am craving sophisticated entertainment. However, all the ballet, classical music and opera tickets seem to be sold out. Is there any chance I can get my hands on some? Can you help me? Also, it will be my boyfriend' birthday when I'm over there any I was wondering whether you had some idea for romantic gifts that involve experiencing the city? Thanks so much! We also had the following personal message: “hi from portc i had planned 2 start my 2nd gap yr by now but i met this hunk & i want 2 show him NYE at portc. i signed up 4 a meditation course but its a real ripoff cos they take your money then u sit around and do nothing. b a sweetie & top up my mobile cos im saving for my trip. luv to all in MEL
Big Ferris WheelThe big Ferris Wheel at Dockland is finally running and the developers of the precinct seem to have done a deal with the City of Melbourne. Unsuspecting tourists who board the free tourist bus expecting it to take its usual route along William Street find themselves diverted so as to duplicate part of the city circle tram route and then stop for a lengthy break underneath the Ferris Wheel in the shopping area. The obvious thing is to get out and shop or ride the wheel rather than sit on a stationary bus looking at a concrete wall. Still, it’s a free bus service so you can’t complain. Then again this is a free newsletter and . . but that’s another story for another time.
Boxing Day Test Match“We can’t go to the Boxing Day Test Match. Boxing Day has already gone.” “No it lasts for five days.” “Well why don’t they call it the Boxing Day and Four Subsequent Days Test Match?” “Because it mightn’t last for five days.” “But you said it did.” “Well it might, but if they all get out twice then it can finish early.” “You mean once eleven people are out?" “No ten is all out.” “But you said there were eleven. What happens if they don’t all get out?” “Then it’s a draw.” “You mean people will pay money to sit for five days and watch nothing happen. That’s like the director’s cut of Waiting for Godot.” “Well there’s always something happening. At the start of the innings when the fast bowler is running in and there all these men in slips . .” “Not only does nothing happen you’ve got cross-dressing You’re not getting me along to that!”
Reader Feedback“Dear Mr White Hat, If Damien and Sarah are given to pressing their respective buttons in bed, then perhaps they could search for repetition, hesitation and deviation on Monday mornings at 5.30am whilst listening to Radio National, or even indulge in their own version of how well-known sayings came to be, on a Thursday morning. Thanks to your little story of love among the commas, 5.30am in the Radiopharmaceutical Laboratory (or Hot Lab, if you prefer) listening to BBC chestnuts will never be quite the same, as I picture Damien pressing Sarah's buzzer. Regards, Sleepless in Geelong” “This amused me immensely: ‘...for your grow-it-yourself-save-the-planet-back-to-basics-sensible-shoes-four-minute-shower-renovated-terrace friends.’ We all know 'em! Thanks for the laugh! Martin”
New Years Eve FireworksAs usual there will be a major fireworks display on New Years Eve, The best vantage points are usually on the banks of the Yarra in Alexandra Gardens and Birrarung Marr or at the Docklands. Details at The White Hat Guide to Fireworks in Melbourne.
Pedants' Dating ServiceWe have had a large number of new subscribers this week. We suggest that you jump straight to the next section because you won’t understand what this is about. We certainly don’t. Sarah had invited Damien to stay the night. After some hesitation he accepted. “I will need some help with my zip” said Sarah. "While you are they can you unfasten my bra?” Damien’s fingers trembled as though the task was strangely unfamiliar but then a thought occurred and his confidence returned. “You know that bra is really a contraction of brassiere” he said “and therefore would once have a full stop to indicate an abbreviation. I wonder if it still should?” Sarah became animated. “I have a copy of Fowler’s Modern English Usage in the living room.” “Which edition?” asked Damien excitedly. “Third” said Sarah “and there’s an Oxford Style Guide. You look through one and I’ll go through the other.” The morning light had long since crept un-noticed into the living room where our companions were still excitedly discussing their night’s findings. Eventually Sarah became aware of the time. “Oh Damien, we’ve missed the radio program. We’ve sat up all night discussing contractions and abbreviations." “Never mind” said Damien. “I’ve had a wonderful night and we can do that another time. I have to get to get to work.” “Look at the time” said Sarah – “so do I.” “Remember your zip’s still undone." Does the Australian Style Manual have a 24 hour hotline for such important questions? Bro is an abbreviation of bruvver. Should it be followed by a full stop? Will Sarah and Damien ever make it to bed? Find out next week.
New Years DayA traditional Melbourne New years Day outing in Melbourne is the country race meeting at Hanging Rock, about 40 minutes from the city. Frock up, pack the champers and cheer on the gee-gees. Details at The White Hat Guide to the Macedon Ranges and Spa Country.
Wind in the Willowshe magical production of Wind in the Willows returns to the Botanic Gardens under the stars. Take the kids along to enjoy the adventures of Ratty and Moley. Details at The White Hat Guide to Activities for Families and Children in Melbourne.
Myer WindowsThis year’s theme at the annual Myer Windows is based on the book How Santa Really Works. The display runs until the 4th of January. Details at The White Hat Guide to Bourke Street Mall.
Suggestions for holiday readingAlan and Sue sent in the following suggestions for holiday reading:
If you don’t like them, take it up with Alan and Sue.
Music & Dancing in the GardensThe annual season of free music and dancing in the gardens commences in January. Details at The White Hat Guide to Fitzroy Gardens & Treasury Gardens.
Twelfth NightFor those who celebrate Advent in the traditional manner, the 12 days of Christmas start at Christmas Day. Various branches of Christianity calculate the date of Christmas differently. To add to the confusion, some cultures define the start of the day differently. Thus for some, sunset is the demarcation that is clearly visible to all and the Genesis story uses the words “and the evening and the morning were the first day”. Others use midnight as the demarcation which requires the use of some sort of timepiece. For many cultures that follow the advent tradition, exchanging of gits does not occur until twelfth night. This has the advantage of being able to buy your Christmas presents at the boxing day sales.
The White Hat Quiz12. What does the twelfth man do? 11. What is a simple rule for multiplying a double digit number (such as 23 of 45) by 11? 10. The metric system of measurement is based on multiples of 10. Complete this sentence. “I went to this megacool party!” “That’s nothing, last night I went to a party that was . . .!” 9. How can you tell if a number (such as 5327) is divisible by 9? 8. What has the number 8 have to do with Moomba? 7. How many 7-pointed stars are on the Australian flag? 6. How many stubbies in a six pack? (who said this newsletter didn’t cater for Queenslanders?) 5. Name a famous Australian poem that makes reference to the number five. 4. Name a well-known song that starts with 4. 3. People who build or make things often need to know the square root of 2 and might use a little mnemonic to remember it. “I wish I knew the root of 2” count the letters of the first 4 words 1.414. Produce a mnemonic tells you the root of 3. 2. Australian politics is often referred to as a ‘two party system’. For how long have the two major parties, Labor and Liberal, been competing against each other? 1. It has become increasingly difficult to offer best wishes to anyone at this time of year because the greeting is not allowed to be gender specific, make reference to any particular religion or use words of more than one syllable because that would discriminate against people who aren’t very bright. Australians have solved this problem with the phrase “Have a good one!” How would you explain to a visitor the meaning of the word “one” in this case? Even if you can’t explain it, White Hat hopes you have a good one. No prizes – just glory and a warm inner glow.
|
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
